#3 Big Human Thing that Contributes to the Big Dog Things

In our ongoing series of moving through the "6 Big Human Things that Contribute to Dog Things", here is Big Thing #3: Insecurities, Shame, Guilt, and Level of Confidence.

.......but, before I go further, I will say this. I don't expect this information to be well supported. I don't expect a lot of "likes" or shares. Why? Because what's being written about are the very things people avoid, deny, ignore, suppress, and resist. These are the things that make helping people through behavioral struggles with their dogs incredibly challenging.

They want change... until they understand the changes that need to be made on their end of the leash.

They want help.... until they realize the part they play in the problem.

They want guidance... until they're faced with what they've been avoiding.

"Dog training" isn't just "dog training". It's also human ... accountability, discipline, confidence training, responsibility, healing, acknowledging, etc.

It's never a single end of the leash ordeal.

It's never "just the dog."

And it's the thought that it is that automatically places a massive cap and limitation on what can and will be achieved with any type of training.

So, Big Thing #3: Insecurities, Shame, Guilt, and Level of Confidence. We could also add: Anger, Grief, Sadness....any uncomfortable feeling.

These are the feelings and emotions we AVOID.

We deny them, suppress them, resist them, silence them, shut them down, shut them off, run from them, anesthetize them.... avoid and escape them however we can.

And what we avoid, cannot be addressed.

What we resist persists.

And what we avoid and resist will continue to pop up in different relationships, in different circumstances, in different outfits.... until it's acknowledged, embraced, and faced.

Until then, we make excuses (which also come up often in dog training).

*The emotions we avoid are the blocks we continue to battle.*

These are the reasons why we become "stuck" in any area in life.

There are **SPECIFIC** emotions and feelings we are afraid of feeling, which significantly limits our capacity and ability to reach any goals, dreams, visions, or outcomes we may have.

Example.

We want to do "x" but are afraid of "y".

We want to share a message, but are afraid no one will see value in what we're saying and we'll feel rejected and ashamed.

We want to tell Jill how we feel about her, but are afraid she won't feel the same way- and we'll feel rejected, ashamed, unworthy, sad, and less of a person.

We want to shift careers, but are afraid we'll suck at it, fail miserably, and become the laughing stock of our friends and family.

We don't do "x" because we don't want to run the risk of feeling "y or z."

There are a great many things we don't do, conversations we don't have and things we don't say, choices and moves we don't make, actions we don't take.... *because we're afraid of feeling certain feelings.* We limit ourselves. And when we limit ourselves, we also limit those who depend upon us. Including our dogs.

Some of us become so fixed and rigid in our habits, routines, and ways of doing and moving through life... that any change or disruption leaves us feeling totally unhinged. And we're afraid all the balls we're juggling will be dropped... so we resist change.

Many of the habits we develop are also forms of avoidance and coping mechanisms. Developed to give us a sense of certainty and offer less risk of having to deal with any potential hardship and uncertainty. This becomes stronger and stronger when we start "adulting".

All relationships will scratch the surface (or rip the bandaid off) of what we're stuffing down, hiding, and avoiding. To include the relationship we have with our dogs.

And dogs know us on a level we won't allow ourselves to go to.

When we avoid, we can't reach.

When we deny, we can't achieve.

When we resist, we can't overcome....

....only work and operate within the confines and limits we've placed on ourselves. And when we limit ourselves, we limit our dogs.