The importance of “leadership”
"Leadership" is both a concept and a term, and is often thrown around in professional spaces- especially in the dog training space.
There's a difference between being a "boss" and a leader, the difference being a reflection of how much healing work we've done and are willing to do (....and we all have healing work to do. If we're alive, this is a universal truth).
No human being- or animal- alive is exempt from trauma in the life experience. As "flowery" as it sounds, we're all born pure, loving, trusting, and filled with light, joy, and wonder. And as a social species of animal (like dogs), we're hardwired for connection. Trauma *rewires* us for disconnection, self-preservation, defense and protection, and fear. The most prevalent form of trauma is emotional trauma (not feeling seen, accepted, understood, worthy, safe, heard, supported, or valued; being taught that the natural expression of emotion was unsafe, not welcome, or was a sign of weakness); and it's through this space the almighty ego is born.
Bosses direct through personal insecurity, ego, and fear (fear of others' perceptions and also fear of failure).
Leaders guide through a space of confidence, steadfast calm, grounding, and faith. Leadership is all of this embodied... and put in motion.
We cannot embody leadership energy or behave in leadership ways unless we do - and are willing to do - our own healing work. The work we resist. The work we avoid. Why? Because we fear feeling the feelings of discomfort, pain, anger, sadness, etc. from the "original point of disconnect." I'm here to tell you, though, it is possible to do this work without revisiting the OPD (original point of disconnect).
We cannot fool dogs. Who we are and the energy we bring into each space is potent information... and dogs are instinctually dialed into this.
The great majority of the behavioral cases in dogs we work usually include some common themes....
- people who struggle with anxiety, PTSD, depression, people-pleasing, insecurity, fear, and/or stress,
- instinctual, individual, and breed specific needs that aren't being met or provided for by the people responsible for the dogs (usually due to lack of awareness),
- homes with no rules, boundaries, structure, order, or a captain at the helm of the ship, and
- homes where there's a great deal of tension, conflict, and disconnect amongst the humans living in them.
While there are some softer energy, marshmallow dogs who may be bombproof and resilient against this kind of thing (these are the dogs who are excellent candidates for emotional support and therapy dogs), *not all dogs are built this way.* In fact, most dogs are not. And those who struggle with "behavioral issues" are simply responding.
As I've said many times before, behavior is information. It's a form of feedback. It's reflective of what's in excess, what's lacking, and also what's right.
Behavior is also a response and a manner of expression. This speaks to a completely different part of the dog and is not an "obedience training" issue.
As with humans, behavior is code for what's not being said.
As with any "parent"(anyone responsible for the teaching, equipping, and development of a life depending upon them), dogs are looking to us for what to do and also how to feel about every situation and scenario we expose them to. But if we don't represent a source of information or energy they feel *safe*, secure, and comfortable looking to for this.... they will struggle. And we will see this reflected in behavior.
"Becoming the leader our dogs need us to be" (and even our children) does not mean abandoning love or a sense of compassion. No. We teach, lead, discipline, guide, and do our own healing work *because* we love.
"Doing the work" is our gift to those looking to us. And our ability to effectively lead is a direct offshoot of this.
You know when you're in the presence of leadership by how you feel when you're around them (safe, seen, heard, inspired). You'll be reminded of your strength. Your power. Your creativity. Your confidence. And your potential. There's a leader in all of us... we just have to sift through layers of conditioning, programming, and trauma in order to remember.