Gone too soon.

(pictures found here)

I awoke the other morning to a voicemail from my father.

We hadn't spoken in ages, so this couldn't be good.

I learned that my uncle, his younger brother- Dennis, my "Uncle Denny" had passed away. A woman he'd been renting a room to found him in his favorite chair when she got home from work. I'd just heard from him not too long ago welcoming me to the southwest (he's lived in Las Vegas for the great majority of his life).

My Uncle Denny was larger than life, had a seeking heart, an infectious laugh, and a (totally) raunchy sense of humor. He brought the party with him wherever he went. There was also a different side to Dennis. A side that's haunted him for years. A side wrought with hurt and pain. Emotional hurt and pain.

As I've written about incessantly before, what we're referring to as "mental health issues" are not mental health issues at all. They're emotional health issues. Trauma-directed, trauma-dictated, and trauma-related emotional health issues. We really need to stop mislabeling this. Although my uncle did have some physical health issues going on (directly related to the above), what ended up becoming the gateway for his transition was his daily escape route. Alcohol.

If you'd met Dennis, you might not suspect he was in battle. And it was his daily efforts to anesthetize, numb, and escape that eventually sent him home.

I share this because, in writing "The Human End of the Leash" --- highlighting all we bring to the table.... what gets highlighted through our dogs' behavior..... what gets "tickled" through our attempts to modify behavior.... and what also gets punctuated through our work (as professionals) with clients, employers, employees, or as solo business owners and entrepreneurs....Dennis' story is not an uncommon one.

I'm sharing to shine a light on this, as there's likely someone in your life who's deep in struggle --- who may be reaching out in various, indirect ways.... or not. Perhaps it may even be you.

There are so, so many suffering. Especially given these last years. And most of us have developed certain tactics (that've become behaviors) to mask, cover, numb, suppress, discharge, escape, and avoid feeling what we don't want to feel. Everything from excessive and mindless social media usage to gaming to controlled substances to alcohol to shopping to projecting onto others to self-isolation to disordered eating ..... the list goes on and on.

So many are suffering in silence.... and are even reaching out for help, love, care, support, and attention in a multitude of ways. The problem is- we don't have the patience, tolerance, bandwidth, or ability to hold space for those in struggle. We don't do heavy, intense, or uncomfortable. We don't know how to sit with it. Put language to it. Hold space for it. Face and address it......

So many are being failed by the systems set up to help them because they're not trauma informed.... as well as those responsible for raising, nurturing, guiding, teaching, and way-showing. There's little to no interest or understanding of the connection between trauma, emotional health, and physical health by "the systems", and our lack of health and well-being is huge- and I mean HUGE- money/ business for a great many entities (medical, food industry, pharmaceutical industry).

There's also little to no interest in facing, addressing, and working through what's begging for our attention. It takes time, focus, energy, change, discipline, patience, and effort.

By trade, my uncle was a(n incredible) saxophone, flute, and piccolo player. He was Burt Bacharach's right hand sax guy, and had played and toured with him since the late 80's. Burt passed away this last March - a death that deeply impacted my uncle. They'd played and toured together for most of Dennis' adult life. Dennis also played and toured with Natalie Cole and Dionne Warwick, among others.

Despite our fragmented family dynamic, my uncle would always reach out to let me know he was thinking of me.... or to send a silly --- or totally off-color--- joke or meme.

I'd been planning on making a trip to Vegas to see him once I got things squared away since I'm, now, just a few hours away. It's saddening I won't get this chance now. I keep thinking .... if only I'd gotten over there sooner. Perhaps we could've connected on a level he needed. But I guess this is neither here nor there.

He leaves behind a cat who he'd rescued from a shelter nearly 7 years ago (my cousin is fostering until a loving home is found), a beautiful daughter (an amazingly talented culinary artiste!), and a son who recently became a father for the first time.

It's funny (and not funny) how it often takes a tragedy to bring people (back) together.

How, oftentimes, it takes tragedy to open lines of communication, inspire long-needed conversations, foster reconnection..... I suppose that's the yin and yang of "life".

Uncle Denny.... I sincerely hope and pray what was meant to be learned in this lifetime was learned. That your transition and passage was peaceful, and you were welcomed home by your mother, father, Burt, and all who had a place in your heart. You're now free from hurt. Pain. And, I have no doubt, are making beautiful music once again in the heavens. Just... try to keep it clean up there, okay?

You were so very loved and will be dearly missed.