The 6th Big Human Thing that contributes to the Big Dog Things
The 6th big human thing that contributes to dog things.... coping style and tactics.
If you've been following this breakdown, you know...
: a complete "dog training" program isn't just about training and equipping the dog,
: the human end of the leash is a powerful and most influential ingredient in the overall behavioral picture,
: effective change happens through safe relationships,
: behavior is information and emotion is information,
: what's being heralded as "mental health" and "mental health issues" is actually *emotional health* and *emotional health issues*,
: no living creature is exempt from experiencing trauma, and trauma plays a big role in shaping who we are (self and world perceptions, responses and reactions, patterns and behaviors, language, beliefs, thoughts, etc.),
: we all have an "attachment style" that was formed when we were very young that also plays out in the types of attachment we form with our dogs,
: "dog training" isn't just "dog training". It's also human ... accountability, discipline, confidence training, responsibility, healing, awareness development, acknowledging, etc. How open and accepting people are to this determines the heights they'll reach in their training,
: what we avoid and ignore will continue to show up until it's faced, addressed, and healed,
: insecurities, shame, guilt, level of worth, level of confidence, blocks, denials, worries, fears, anxiety, defenses, and resistance will *all* show up in training,
...and more.
How we cope with all of this and the tactics we've developed to do so will also show up through dog training.
The coping style and tactics we develop (consciously and unconsciously) become what we call *behaviors*. Many of which are in response to the emotions we're refusing to acknowledge, feel, and deal with.... they go wherever we go. No matter how hard we try, we can't detach or escape what's within us and a part of us.
Trauma shapes our beliefs and filters; our behaviors become how we deal with our perceptions and what we're refusing to address.
Lone-wolfing and hyper-independence, isolation, perfectionism, OCD, addiction (food, sex, shopping, gaming, drugs, alcohol, social media, etc), controlling behaviors, non-commital behaviors, irresponsibility and lack of accountability, chronic blame casting, hyper-criticism, "false" / "toxic positivity" and "fake happy", over-helping and hyper care-taking, over-working, the unrealistic standards and expectations we set, over-producing, self-absorption and self-involvement, etc.... all forms of escape, avoiding, numbing, masking, silencing, suppressing, self-soothing, hiding, and attempts to get emotional needs met that were not met when we were young, dependent, and impressionable.
What we're not addressing will always come through in dog training, especially when it comes to behavioral work. Dogs know us on a level we don't know ourselves and/or are unwilling to recognize. Our coping styles and tactics-- how we deal with "life"- our past and present, emotion, trauma, etc.... it all directly impacts our dogs- as well as anyone else who's looking to and depending upon us.
Any attempt to numb, escape, avoid, silence, fulfill, etc. may have a temporary relieving effect, but *will have long term consequences.*
Negative emotions that get trapped and stored in the body have a physiological disruptive effect. This has been proven over and over again.
"The Body Keeps the Score" by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk is a challenging read, but a good one to try and digest bit by bit.
"Trauma: The Invisible Epidemic" by Dr. Paul Conti, "The Myth of Normal" by Dr. Gabor Mate, "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents" by Lindsay Gibson, "No Bad Parts" by Dr. Richard Schwartz, and "Happy Days" by Gabrielle Bernstein are just a few of the books I recommend. Mastin Kipp’s work in the trauma space is also highly recommended.
I hope these breakdowns are thought-provoking and insightful, and that they may have even inspired you to get to know yourself on a different level.
