Punishment and abuse are two entirely different things.

This is a post about punishment.

That’s right. BIG. BAD. UGLY PUNISHMENT… or is it?

This one little word has been misconstrued, misunderstood, misrepresented, and misinterpreted for years now, thanks to the heavy-handed, forceful style of some “trainers” and their far right-wing counterpart, the “purely positive” un-caped crusaders.

Sadly, there’s a stigma now attached to this word. One based on total untruth and continues to get perpetuated… and I’m done with it.

This piece is my attempt to REDEFINE and REFRAME things. To educate, and inspire a new and different conversation.

Somewhere along the way, “punishment” started meaning “abuse”. “Pain”. “Domination”. Or “force”. And anyone who practiced it was the devil. Pitchfork and all.

Let me make this crystal clear. Punishment and abuse are two entirely different things. Period.

And we must take CONTEXT into consideration.

For teaching physical and mental body, performance and task-based, skill-oriented behavior (what we refer to as “classroom behavior”), no. Punishment is not needed, necessary, and has no place here as we’re not trying to weaken, decrease, diminish, or eliminate anything here. Only build, strengthen, and improve. Like teaching a child to swing a bat at a flying ball, how to add 2 + 2, say the word “spaghetti”, or how to do a somersault. If there’s a struggle doing any of these things, we need to build confidence, inspire, or motivate. Skill is improved and strengthened through practice, guidance, encouragement, support, and repetition.

… but when it comes to behavior in the emotional body sense, it absolutely is. Teaching the difference between okay and not-okay states of mind, choices, and behaviors…especially when it impacts others (what we call “real world and functional behavior”). Like addressing a child when he’s backtalking his parent or teacher, bullying a fellow student, making fun of a friend and calling them names, stealing, hitting a sibling, etc. Of course, there are also things underlying these behaviors that absolutely need to be addressed (behavior in this context is “a manner of expression”), so that’s also a big part of it; but these things absolutely need to be disagreed with and addressed. We cannot ignore, avoid, or reward this type of behavior away. There’s a yin and a yang to everything. Every “yes” must have a “no”.

Punishment is punishment. It’s the weakening, diminishing, or eliminating of something.

Abuse is abuse. Period.

Punishment is not abuse.

Punishing a choice, state of mind, or behavior is absolutely different than abusing an individual.

Training and teaching should never, ever cause pain or be abusive. Can it be? This is 100% dependent upon the individual providing it. There are some people who are not of sound emotional health and mind, and should absolutely not be in a position of teaching, training, or the care of others.

It’s high time we address this. “Punishment”, disagreeing, and discouraging is not the work of the devil. Discipline is not a dirty word. It’s not “bad”, it’s necessary, and everyone everywhere practices some level of punishment every single day. It’s a valuable part of the learning experience and life. What matters here is the intention behind it. This is what any level judgment should be targeting.

Just as our individual children will require a different level of parenting from us, our individual dogs will require the same… and some more than others. A super soft energy, marshmallow dog doesn’t need a great deal of rules, structure, boundaries, etc.; whereas a dog with a stronger energy… who’s a bit stronger in will and head strong, assertive, overly confident, abrasive, etc. will. We must. Work. With. The. Individual.

Having a dog is a very different thing than raising a dog; and punishment and discipline are absolutely necessary in teaching the difference between “okay” and “not okay”… because we love and want to equip them for real world living. For LIFE. Does this mean hitting, kicking, etc.? NO!!! In the case of children, its meaning can range from social restrictions, not getting an allowance, taking the cell phone away, having to sit at the table until they eat their green beans, taking a video game away, etc. Same can be said for our dogs, but they don’t learn in the same way as humans do… and don’t have opposable thumbs 

I had the opportunity to stay with a very well-known, world-renowned “positive only” trainer a few years ago. Her dogs were excellently trained ***in certain contexts***, but “behavior” and “compliance” was “situationally dependent”. Example. She had instructed one of her dogs to go to their bed during the start of the feeding ritual in the other room. The dog did, and after a few seconds, popped off and started heading towards the meal prep. Out of habit, I said “eh-eh”… I was disagreeing with her choice to blow off directive and was going to repeat the original directive to send her back to her bed (holding her accountable for what was asked), when this trainer said, “We don’t do that in this house!” And her dog continued along her way. Bewildered… I just stood there. Then just watched the state of mind of her dogs, her level of relevance diminish as soon as food came out, and their behavior towards one another (growling, posturing, a few fights, etc.).

Yin and yang. Agreeing and disagreeing. Freedom and accountability.

Dogs are a social species of animal, and – like humans- learn through consequences. What’s comfortable vs. uncomfortable. What’s pleasurable vs. displeasurable. What the results are of choices, states of mind, and behaviors. Are they gaining anything in any way, or losing something? Is what they’re gaining something they want or don’t want? Is what they’re losing something they want or don’t want?

THIS, my friends, is the yin and yang of the learning experience. It’s our responsibility to provide it.

Imagine just raising our children with nothing but ignoring, avoiding, cookies and cupcakes?! What type of character we’d be fashioning? What level of relevance we’d have in their eyes and in their minds.

One of the biggest problems in human-canine dynamics is there’s no level of disagreeing going on. Not only are we not disagreeing (and, if we are, we’re not doing it effectively; we’re merely reacting to choices, states and mind, and behaviors once they’re already in play), but dogs are constantly gaining (and also remaining uber comfortable) when making certain choices, practicing certain states of mind, and exhibiting certain behaviors….. even when they’re not okay, are becoming risky, and causing discomfort, un-ease, and even harm in others.

It has to be said…

This has to stop. Dog training extremism. The spreading and perpetuating of misinformation. This cult-like, bandwagon “positive only” mentality is actually causing more harm than good, spreading more negativity than positivity, is depleting people’s bank accounts because of its limits (when it comes to real world and functional behavior), leaving people feeling struggling with behavioral issues more hopeless and stressed, and is killing more dogs than it is saving (euthanasia over any level of disagreeing or “punishment”).

Are there ill-intentioned, heavy-handed, disrespectful trainers out there? You bet there are, and it’s both sad and incredibly infuriating. These people give “punishment” a bad rap and have no place in “training” or the responsibility for another life. Again, punishment and abuse are NOT the same thing!

I recently had a fascinating... and, get this… totally respectful conversation with an influencer in the "positive only/ science only" training camp in Germany. It was such an illuminating conversation, that I wish could've been broadcasted all over! She was able to also shed some light on a number of things for me, and I was for her. We were sharing perspectives; and even though they initially differed, we ended up educating each other and finding out we had far more in common than not. It didn’t take us long to realize there was actually nothing really separating us at all! We believed in the same concepts, theories, approach… but the words being used were different.

I don’t subscribe to any one “training style”, every dog is different - as well as every human with the dog and the approach must be as individual as they are. I have always described my approach as “holistic”: meaning I take a whole picture approach and address all contributing ingredients to “behavior” (so very important). My training style is authentic. What you see is what you get, and I very much work with the individual dog (and human/s with the dog) in front of me.

What I’ve found is there’s not a great deal of authenticity in the dog training world. There’s so much fear of how things appear. I’ve had the great privilege of knowing and working with some major influencers in the industry, a few who are very well known in the “positive only / science only” world… but who also use “punishment” in their training and believe in the importance of it to achieve certain results. And you know what? They’d never teach about it, broadcast it, etc. because of how (they feel) it would be received and how they feel they would be perceived. This saddens me, as they could’ve helped redefine this word and get rid of all the misconceptions, misunderstandings, etc. surrounding it. Influencing in a more authentic way. Admittedly, this impacted my level of respect for them and their work; as what they do and how they train out of the spotlight is not how they train and do in the spotlight. Inauthentic.

I can’t tell you how many frustrated, struggling clients have come to us after having moved through a number of positive only trainers. Clinging onto a shred of hope for them and their dog…. even after being told “euthanasia” was the only other option after their methods didn’t work. I get it. I lived this same exact story with my own dog years ago.

At PackFit, we primarily work with behavioral struggles and issues (e.g. aggression, reactivity, separation anxiety, social anxiety, general anxiety, destructiveness, nuisance barking, neurotic behaviors, containment phobia, “selective hearing”, fear, etc.). These are not mental body or “obedience” issues. While “obedience” does factor into things (i.e. understanding the meaning of certain cues and verbal directives), **compliance** is something completely different and connected to other things that need to be spoken to and developed.

We define “punishment” as simply “disagreeing”. Maybe even “creating a level of discomfort or adding a level of displeasure meaningful enough to the individual to inspire them change their course”. This can come in the form of a low, firm tone of disagreement. A clap. An airhorn. Shaking a jar of coins. Spraying a water bottle (which, I never actually do, but I do know many who’ve employed this tactic). A pop on the leash. Discomfort has to outweigh comfort. Of course, there’s a massive relationship component in play, as well. Foundational training (relationship building between human and dog) is first and foremost, as well as learning how to communicate (we can’t teach anything without understanding how to communicate effectively).

As previously mentioned, we break “behavior” into 2 categories: classroom behavior (purpose and task oriented; action based; brain training; mental body work) and real world and functional behavior (includes everything else outside of that and speaks to a different aspect of the dog~ social skill development, space sharing, exposure, impulse control, state of mind conditioning, self and world concept development, associations, understanding the difference between “okay” and “not okay”). We focus more on the real world and functional aspect of things.

“Positive only” is a fallacy. One cannot exist without its counterpart in the teaching process. And the opposites work together… like sunrises and sunsets, night and day, on and off, YES AND NO. If one is familiar with “the four quadrants”, one quadrant cannot exist without its counterpart. Negative punishment cannot exist without positive reinforcement, and negative reinforcement cannot exist without positive punishment. They all work together, and when we isolate one- we greatly limit what can be achieved (from a *behavioral* standpoint).

This isn’t about “dominance” or “being alpha” (I really don’t like those terms), but relationship, communication, understanding, and working with the individual dog.

There IS a healthy middle here. One of honor and respect. Love, kindness, and integrity. Teaching and guidance, not dominance or bribery. The healthy existence and balance of agreeing and disagreeing. Problems arise when there’s an excess of any one thing and the non-existence of its counterpart.

My hope with this is to begin a new level of understanding. I’m tired of seeing friends and colleagues targeted and vilified by bandwagon extremists. We need to redefine and reframe things. Start a new conversation about both "agreeing" and "disagreeing”, and what this actually means. Problems arise when there's too much or an excess of any one thing and the non-existence of its counter-balance.

Again. CONTEXT.

For “classroom behavior”, mental body and skillset training (obedience, trick training, agility, detection, search and rescue, etc.), punishment has no place here. We’re not disagreeing or trying to decrease or diminish anything here. Only build and strengthen.

For “real world and functional behavior”, teaching the difference between “okay” and “not okay”, it’s necessary when risky or problematic behaviors, states of mind, and choices are being made.

The equation here is simple. Agree with and reinforce the things we like, are okay, and we want to strengthen… disagree with the things we do not like, are problematic or risky, and that we do not want to continue.

If you are having behavioral struggles with your dog, seek a behavioral expert to help you through this (not obedience training, as this is not an obedience issue… or anything out side of this). The problem with “punishment” is no one understands how to appropriately, clearly, or effectively communicate or disagree with their dog to help them connect the dots OR address the contributing ingredients underlying the problematic behavior/s.